What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
