Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I want a musical about memes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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