well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
