Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
