hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
