swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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