she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
