dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
as a side note pls kill me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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