Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
