Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
