...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
