Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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