Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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