Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he puts the penis in happiness.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
