I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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