found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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