captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
