i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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