:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
