Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
