Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
