she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
