Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
