It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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