Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
