you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
