We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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