the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
