im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
