loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
