so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we're making bets on your personal life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
