Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
