you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
