I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
two words: eviction party
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
