1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
