last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
