Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
