My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
