Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
