Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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