I just pynch a tree in the face
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream