So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize