Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"