hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
