i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus