If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers