You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike