So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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