if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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