Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.