Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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