I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
