I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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