Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
