So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
