Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
