But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
