She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
