I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize