Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
