You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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