I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
