I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
