How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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