You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
