Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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