were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
