And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
