I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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