i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio