mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum