There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.