i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
