I could have mohawked her pubes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
