He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
