My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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