well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
