America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
