if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
