Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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