You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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