I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
