I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
