I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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