you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
