i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
