you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
