Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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