Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
