you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
