Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
